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The days are long, but the years are short. - gretchen robin

No doubt you spend most of your waking (and sleeping) hours caring for your little ones. You are cultivating a life of love and learning for them - and just as Rome wasn’t built in a day, making a haven for your family takes years of work. As wonderful and rewarding as the privilege is, it’s usually also exhausting, challenging, lonely, and hard (most good things are).

The demand to be “on your toes” day after day takes its toll. Time feels like a depleted resource. It’s not like you can go get your nails done or spread out on your lawn chair and read a book on a whim. These little people are extensions of you now. You need good self-care, and often you have to blend it into your baby’s routine, like doing a play date with a close mom friend.

Eventually, you learn that it’s more about creating rhythm than it is about finding balance. The dishes will pile up and stay that way longer than you wanted. You’ll go over the food budget because you needed to order takeout rather than cook after a long day. You’ll sacrifice things that used to be important to you, sleep less than you’d like in order to get things done, and you’ll do it all in the name of love.

Here are 8 daily practices to help you find your rhythm:

No. 1

Do some sort of ritual before your babies are up for the (week)day.

Wake up early. I know it’s hard. I know you’re tired. I know you want to lay in your bed nestled under the covers with your head between the pillows until the very last minute. But I promise, being up before the needs and demands start and doing something for yourself will give you just a little boost - and a little peace. Have a cup of coffee, read a chapter of a book or devotional, stretch or do an easy yoga routine, put regular pants on. It’s easier said than done because babies hardly wake up “on time,” but if your little one wakes up around a certain time, try to be up before that time - even if by 10 minutes - to get your bearings for the day. I used to sleep in the mornings until my son woke up, but I always found myself scrambling first thing in the morning and feeling tired by 11:00am. It probably won’t cure your tiredness, but think about it - if you had woken up in your work office every morning, you would have felt behind the whole day. And this new job is very demanding.

NO. 2

Take a shower (or at least rinse).

I know this seems obvious if you don’t have babies and toddlers, but I can’t tell you how many days I’ve gone without showers to preserve precious time, especially when my son was small. (Eww, but it’s true.) Dolling up for 30 minutes when you are just going to be home (or maybe at the park or library) can seem like a costly use of time. But if you generally love to wear makeup or have painted nails, commit a little time to that activity. If you’re a hair girl, do something with that mane. Even if all you do is put your pajamas back on, you may find that you feel more together amidst the wonderful chaos of baby and toddler days. It’s always the little things.

NO. 3

Get outside (despite the weather).

“Some old-fashioned things like a breath of fresh air and sunshine are hard to beat.” - Laura Ingalls Wilder. Where we live, spring is a broken record of rain. And “going out” can feel cumbersome. Between getting dressed, packing the diaper bag, loading up in the car…there’s no such thing as a quick trip. But you can do things that will help! Keep one bag packed specifically for quick trips. Get an organizer for your vehicle that holds diapers, toys, light jackets, and snacks. Go to the nearest park or take a brisk stroller walk. Get on the swing, slide down the slide, and play in the dirt. Just breathe fresh oxygen!

NO. 4

Stay active - and choose an enjoyable routine.

Since time is so precious these days, find something that gets your blood flowing but also makes you smile. Crank some tunes that you used to listen to before having little ones. Rap, R&B, EDM. Listen to your pre-mom jams and get your limbs moving. Do yoga (there are all kinds of apps if you need to do it at home)! Moms can get caught up carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders - and that’s some heavy lifting. Choose activities that help you feel mentally and physically healthy. Do things that remind you of what you love. Someone suggesting cooking to me once, and I could think of few things harder to do with my toddler running around. But mixing up some blueberry muffins for snack time…that I can do quickly! And afterwards, we dance around to the Little Baby Bum soundtrack on Spotify. Win, win.

NO. 5

Make your mommy chores into games to do with the little ones.

I used to utilize nap times to load the dishwasher, fold laundry, sweep the floor, etc. As your babies get older, you can turn these chores into playful activities. Most babies love playing around in an open dishwasher once they can pull up to stand. Let them have one thing to help with, like loading (and probably unloading) spoons. It won’t be as quick as you’d like, but it’s worth slowing it down if you get to do it together. Have them carry clothes to their room, hand hangers to you, or sweep with a toy broom. Early exposure to chores is a good way to begin teaching how to be a good steward of their space. The goal is to reserve as many nap hours as possible for yourself so that that time of day is for you to catch your breath and re-energize - or do work you have not related to your house.

NO. 6

Go to a library, toy store, play place, the zoo, or sign up for free classes.

Most families with stay-at-home moms are on a fairly tight budget. When you don’t have much money to pay for activities, it’s even more reason to stay home. But most areas have organizations that offer free demo classes or programs for little ones. For example, you can sign up for a babies’ music class to try it out for free or go to a free day at the zoo. Where we live, the zoo offers a free teddy bear clinic once a year.

Most local libraries have a story hour 1-2 days per week. As much work as it is to wrangle your babies in public places, story hour is also filled with other moms trying to wrangle their babies - so it’s good company! It’s a great way to give your little buddy some social play time while also meeting other moms.

Lastly, you can check to see if your local mall has an indoor or outdoor play area. Some cities or towns have their own indoor play park, such as at a community center or private location. A spot close to us, Tennessee Toddles is an indoor play zone designed specifically for toddlers. It’s padded, enclosed, and full of toys. It does cost per visit unless you buy a membership, but it’s a nice treat (for both of us) now and again.

NO. 7

Pick one easy task to accomplish, and do it.

We were in the process of remodeling and moving during my son’s first year, and I was so unmotivated to work on projects because they were so slow-going. Getting started is always the hardest, but the more you get done, the more you’ll want to do. It’s a basic principle of discipline, like the success-driven types who make their beds every morning just to accomplish one thing at the start of each day. Once I took 10-15 minutes to pack one drawer or sort through one corner, I felt satisfied that I had accomplished at least one task. One task each day of the week adds up, and before you know it, you’ve eaten most of the elephant.

NO. 8

Have at least one adult conversation.

My husband suggested this to me because he’s extrovert, and I just waved him off initially. Introverts don’t need to talk to someone everyday. We’re our own best companions sometimes. Not to mention, like most introverts, I hate small talk. It feels forced and meaningless. So if I can’t chat with a close friend, I may not want to talk to anyone. But being a stay-at-home mom can be very isolating, especially if you haven’t established a support network or joined a mom’s group yet. Professional work tends to offer built-in friendships, but stay-at-home moms have to be intentional about reaching out amidst nap schedules and the holy work of raising toddlers. (I had 4 close friends who had babies right around the same time as me…but we all lived in different cities.)

Even better than just any adult is if you can connect with another mom. Push through the small talk at the library or the park or wherever you find yourself standing next to her. Chances are you’re both giving off the vibe that you don’t want to chat. Because guess what? She probably hates small talk too. But deeper connection - friendship even - lies beyond the awkward niceties. We are never too old to make new friends. If it’s feels like it’s never going to happen, keep showing up anyway. Meaningful conversations - rather than news watching and social media scrolling - is what truly keeps us tethered to the rest of the world. I’ve had to remind myself that the best friendships always take time.

Today, I hope you realize how significant your work at home truly is, not just for your family but for all the people yet to be impacted by your little ones. (They will grow up, after all! I try not to think about it as much as possible.) And while you are doing this meaningful, eternal work, I hope these routines help keep you grounded. We will miss these days when they are gone!